Violent Partners starts improbably with author Linda Mills, JD, PhD, using her own relationship failures to show that even someone raised in a middle class, stable home can become victim to domestic violence. But what is provocative about her book is the assertion that the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which requires that at least one of the pair in domestic battery cases be arrested, has unintended consequences that must be addressed. Mills argues that arrest and incarceration should be reserved for perpetrators who refuse to put down their weapons or cease physical  battery, and that family therapy can foster families remaining together, which has significant benefits for the dependent spouse and children. 

In her most controversial passages, Mills charges the feminist movement with heavy handed efforts to give a voice to battered women. “Imposing certain legal responses on victims of domestic violence, including the arrest and prosecution of their batterers, can reproduce the rejection, degradation, and isolation that is typical of an abusive relationship (“We don’t care what you think; he is being arrested!”).”  Although the safety of the victim at the moment of intervention is a priority, the issue may be more complicated.  If the victim initiated the violence, if arresting a mother takes her from her children, if arresting a man guarantees that he will lose his job, we may want a more nuanced response from law enforcement, one that will provide better role models to the children involved, helping to break the cycle of abuse rather than perpetuating it.

An alternative to incarceration that is strongly supported by Mills is family therapy.  Interviews with experts in treating family violence describe the importance of aligning themselves with both members of the couple to develop respectful relationships with both clients.  One therapist says, “To succeed in this work, the therapist must create a context in which the woman can speak the truth about her life under siege and her partner can be recognized, not only in terms of his shameful identity as an offender, but as a child-victim who also has a story that needs to be told.” 

Further, it is in the context of a healing relationship that the harmful lifestyle responses to abuse (alcohol, food, tobacco, and drug addiction) can be addressed. Family, friends, employers and health care providers who support the therapy of abusive adults are less interested in locking up the perpetrators than they are in seeing the injuries and injustices acknowledged and condemned. Mills describes Circle programs, in which a team of supportive community members and a therapist provide a safe environment that the legal system cannot.  The adversarial process of the courtroom risks further injury to the victim and is not the place for personal healing.  Mills recommends widening VAWA to accommodate therapy, and to use incarceration only in extreme cases.